Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
