I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
