yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
3 2 1 whiskey
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
