its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
