Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
