I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
