is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
