we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
