pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
