shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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