I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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