I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
