so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
