My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
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