My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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