I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Randomize
