and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
