Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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