her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
