T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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