I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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