why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
