Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
