ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
