i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Randomize
