Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Randomize