I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
