I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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