its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
