I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
nutella sex= disaster
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
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