you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
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