I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
You took a bar mat shot.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
