I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Randomize
