I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Randomize
