put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize