So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
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