Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Randomize
