he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
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