I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
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