dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Randomize
