Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
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