i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
