addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
