I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
