Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize