If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
