You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
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