3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
