I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
