she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Holy shit dude........stairs
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
