every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
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