The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
