Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Randomize
