I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Randomize
