i just wanna soil my oats bro
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
