i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
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