Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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