It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Randomize