The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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