She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
