He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
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