need another drink. this is the easiest way
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
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