I hope mine doesn't look like that
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
