So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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