She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
well I can't set my house on fire every night
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
