I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
