I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
