Why does Corona taste like a burp?
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Randomize
