I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
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