So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
