oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Randomize
