Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Randomize
