Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Randomize
