There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Randomize
