This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
