You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
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