your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
