hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Randomize
