They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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