we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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