i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Randomize
